Dead Ends: Episode 4

(This is a lengthy story based on actual facts. Episodes will be posted over a span of a few weeks. There are going to be NINE episodes in total. For Episode 3 click here. Enjoy!)

[Pssst… Apologies for such a delay in the post. Exams are around the corner, scavenging on my brain.]

Episode 4

Bahadur walks into his home like a zombie. He stands there at the door, watching his mother and sisters. No one notices that he has returned.

“Bahadur! When did you arrive?” Amma asks.

Bahadur just stares at her as if he’s gone deaf. His mouth is slightly open. His face shows no emotion.

“Bahadur…?”

“Uh… Yes… Yes I just came. Where’s Abba?”

“He hasn’t come back yet. He’ll be late.”

Amma goes towards the stove and stir’s the pot. A gush of steam makes eerie faces in the air.

Bahadur sits on the charpoy and Baji brings him a glass of water. She sits beside him while he drinks.

“What happened?” She whispers.

“Nothing happened.” He whispers back.

“Don’t lie to me! You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Did you get fired or something?”

“No. Leave me alone Baji!”

Baji eyes him, convinced that he was hiding something.

Bahadur lies down on the charpoy and rests his head on a flat pillow. Abba still hasn’t returned. His eyes are moist. He drifts off to sleep.

He wakes up in the middle of the night. Some one is softly knocking on the door. Bahadur stands up, rubbing the dust out of his eyes.

“Who is it?”

“Bahadur it’s me. Open the door.”

He opens the door and a weary looking Abba walks in. He throws the dirty cloth that’s on his shoulder to one side and walks into the bathroom. Bahadur sits down and fiddles with his hands. Abba comes out wiping his face with a towel.

“Are you hungry?” He asks Abba.

“No. I ate in the dhaaba.”

Amma turns in her sleep in the charpoy next to him. She snores quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The words just forced themselves out of his tongue.

“Tell you what Bahadur?”

“What you told Majid’s father today, why didn’t you tell me that?”

The towel drops from Abba’s hands. And he looks at his son astonished.

“How… How did you find out?”

“Majid heard you this morning.”

Abba goes near him and tips Bahadur’s chin up with his fingers.

“Come with me. We have a lot to talk about.”

Abba walks with his arm around Bahadur’s shoulder in silence. His brows are drawn together. Years of hardship have left behind their scars as wrinkles on his face. He sighs. His eyes have a distant look, as though he’s in another world.

“Your mother and I came here to Karachi when your elder sister was only two years old.” Abba draws his breath deeply, “you were in her belly then. We came with hopes of a good life, of a new beginning. We had already endured enough back in the village.

“We prayed to Allah that He gives us a son, who’ll help us in our old age. Deep down, we were ungrateful for the daughter that we had; and feared another one. I guess Allah incompletely converted our unborn child from a daughter into a son. It later dawned on me that maybe He wanted to tell us to not undermine a girl child.”

Silence. Both quietly stand in the cool night air.

Abba is again lost in his memories. The pain is etched on his face. He continues:

“When you were born Bahadur, we were ecstatic! We gave a party, that we could not afford, to all those who knew us. I wanted to show my son to everyone! I was proud, too proud…

“You were always a good child… Never gave your mother too much trouble. Even now, you are a blessing to us… But Bahadur as you grew up, your mother noticed that you weren’t growing the way it should have been at your age.”

Abba gestures for him to sit. They sit on the footpath. A car whizzes by on the otherwise empty road. Bahadur’s face is a mask. No trace of emotion was visible for Abba’s searching eyes.

“A few weeks later your mother told me about it. She was very worried. You were seven years old then. But your manliness was still the way it was when you were born. We took you to a government hospital. The doctor examined you and told us to get some expensive tests done.

“After the reports came the doctor told us that you have a problem with your body… I did not understand most of what he said… sometimes I wish I was literate enough to understand your condition. The only thing I do remember is that the doctor said something about tiny things that every one of us has; that shape our bodies into that of a male or a female. Beta, the doctor said that those things were abnormal in you.”

Their eyes lock for an instant. Bahadur tears his gaze away as his brow furrows and a flash of panic distort his features.

“So what difference does that make?! I still know that I’m a boy! A male!” He almost shouts; his heart beating in his ears.

Tears stream down Abba’s cheeks as he tries to control himself. His voice became unsteady:

“You know that in your mind because we never let you think otherwise. But your body doesn’t know that.”

“Majid said that… that I am a Hijra. Is that really what I am?!”

“How dare he call you that?” Bellows Abba, “no you don’t have to be that!”

“I don’t understand! I really don’t understand!” Bahadur stomps his foot in frustration. He stands up and starts pacing in front of his father. He shakes his head and closes his eyes.

“You will not be able to have children of your own, Bahadur… The doctor told me.”

Bahadur freezes as if the ground had caught hold of his feet, as if thousands of rocks have been placed over the top of his head. Thats the final nail in the coffin.

“Im sorry! I feel so guilty beta… It’s all my fault. My fault…”

A few days have passed since Bahadur found out about his syndrome. He continues to go about his everyday life as he did before. But he felt as if his fate has changed.

One day when Bahadur and Majid received their daily wages, he notices that people around him were treating him differently. They walk out of the mechanic shop heading towards their home.  

“Uh… Bahadur I have to go somewhere…” Majid does not meet Bahadur’s eye, “so you’ll have to walk home alone tonight.”

Bahadur stares at him sadly. Their childhood friendship has changed. He nods at him, turns and walks away with his head hanging low. He doesn’t want any one to see his damp eyes.

He walks a little while aimlessly. Then he sits down by the roadside. There is heavy traffic on the road even though it’s near midnight.

“What did He punish me for? My parents don’t deserve this! Amma, Abba, Baji and Munni they don’t deserve this...” His thoughts are a turmoil, like a volcano about to erupt. “They deserve a good life! Not this utter humiliation! I’m not worthy of them.” He cries, “I have dishonored them…”

Right then two hijras walk by talking animatedly, clapping their hands gaudily. Bahadur stares at them. They are tall and large. One has a protruding belly. Their faces are plastered with make up. Their eyebrows plucked. They notice Bahadur staring at them and giggle.

“What are you staring at janu!? Our sweet little butts?” Taunts the fat Hijra.

Bahadur lowers his gaze. The hijras walk away. A few seconds later he bolts towards the two hijras.

“Hey! Hey wait!” He calls.

Both of them turn and perch their hands on their hips.

“What do you want?”

“I… I just wanted to know where you live.”

“Why?” They say unanimously.

“Please just tell me. There’s something I have to… Please just tell me where your community lives.”

“We live across the Nadi behind the market.”

“Okay…” Bahadur turns and starts to walk away. Then he turns again. The hijras are still staring at him. He goes closer to them.

“What are your names?”

“I’m Sameena and this is Gurya,” the fat one answers, “Why are you asking that?”

“I don’t really know.” After that, he strolls away.

Everyone is sound asleep in Bahadur’s home. Bahadur is wide awake. His father is sleeping beside him on the charpoy, snoring.

Bahadur gets up very quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone. It’s hard to see because of the darkness. He spreads a piece of cloth on the floor and puts his only two shalwar kameez in the middle. He knots it up, but stops after a thought.

He goes towards the small cupboard in the corner of the room. Amma and Munni are sleeping next to the cupboard on the charpoy. He opens the cupboard. It creaks. He shuffles for something there and finally finds it. He takes it out and looks at it. It’s a picture of his family taken a year ago.

He puts the picture in the small bundle that he has made. He hides the bundle and lies back down on the bed.

It’s the next morning.

Baji comes near Bahadur, who is sleeping soundly. She touches his shoulder.

“Wake up! You are going to be late.”

Bahadur gets up from the bed and sits there for a while. His little sister is still sleeping. He touches her hand.

Amma brings him a thin roti and a cup of tea on a plate.

“Here you go Bahadur. Eat it quickly. Its 10 ‘o’ clock already.”

He looks at the roti and puts a piece in his mouth. He feels a bit nauseous. He looks at Baji, who is sweeping the floor and then at Amma, who is washing the dishes with her back towards him.

He gets up quietly and goes to where he hid the bundle. He picks it up and swings it over the wall.

 “My stomach feels a bit full. I… uh… Am getting late. I have to go.”

“Wait… let me pack it for you. You can eat it later.”

“No Amma. Thanks.”

He steps out of his house then looks back absorbing every little detail of the people he cares for the most.

He walks on the road; it has been over an hour since he has been walking in the scorching heat, sweaty and tired. The road is bustling with traffic. He sees the bridge over the Nadi. He stops walking and keeps staring at it. He bites his finger nails and then moves on towards it.

He comes across a market. He stares here and there not sure what to look for. Then he sees a very narrow cemented path a little ahead of him, leading from the market to the slums. He walks in.

There are many little houses squeezed together on both sides of the lane. Filth is every where and there are little puddles of dirty water. He walks on, very unsure of himself. Then he sees someone coming towards him. The hijra crosses him and goes on.

“Uh… listen… hey!”

The hijra turns and looks at him curiously.

“Yes?”

“Do you know where I can find uh… Sameena and Gurya?”

“Of course I know where you can find them.”

“Can you tell me?”

“Why are you here?” The hijra inquires.

“I want to… Be like you.”

The hijra laughs.

“Then you should see our Guru Ji… She welcomes the new comers.”  

Bahadur and the hijra enter through a drape laden door into a little square room. The room has little furniture but it is quite clean. There is a table on which an old tape recorder lays right next to a small TV.

A small square mirror hangs on a wall above a dressing table which is littered with make up accessories. There is a cupboard and next to it, on a nail, hangs a glittering shalwar kameez.

On the bed lays a balding man in his late fifties.

“Guru Ji! Some one’s here to see you!” The hijra says in a sing song voice.

Guru Ji opens his eyes and sits up on the bed. His eyes scrutinize Bahadur.

“Stupid boy! Bow down and say aadaab.” The hijra admonishes him and thumps his back with his hand.

Bahadur fumbles with his bundle and bows awkwardly.

“It’s okay Sakeena.” Guru Ji speaks slowly in a low tone, “boy, bring that chair closer and sit on it.”

Bahadur does as he is told. His hands tremble as he picks up the chair.

“Good. Now tell me, what is your name?”

“Bahadur.”

Sakeena giggles and Bahadur hangs his head in shame. Then the hijra runs out the door skipping and giggling.

“My sisters! A new moon has come to us!” Sakeena announces standing in the narrow alley way.

“Don’t pay them any attention.” Guru Ji says kindly, “They always tease the new ones. You tell me about yourself. Why do you want to be like us? It’s a very difficult life you know…”

Bahadur looks at him and breaks down. The hijras peek through the window.

Stay tuned for Episode 5.