The Creatively Frustrated

It might sound strange to you but I imagine people as play dough’s. Impressionable. Everyone leaves a mark; some deep, some leave behind just their fingerprints, curving and looping, touching your soul just enough. And with every touch the dough alters it shape, adjusting, changing and shifting. We've all had our ups and downs. We've all experienced heart ache and limitless joy. All of it being the result of someone or something that interacted with us at some point in time. I ask you just one question. Had you been where you are right now, without that tragedy that makes you weep at night? Or without that accomplishment that compels you to hold your head high? You may not be at peace with yourself now, but we have this uncanny ability of ‘Acceptance’. Yes, accepting that what has happened; happened to make you who you are. Sculpting your very thoughts, making you, YOU.  I am nearing the end of one chapter and turning over a new page of my life. It’s akin to com...

That chilly air enveloped her, Caressing as lips on skin, From between the tendrils it flowed And whispered in the deep confines. Strolling towards that frozen sun, The water licked her toes, Orange hues and shades of blue Beckoned, she wanted more. Thigh high the liquid pierced her skin, Her clothes a transparent halo, Fading warmth and numbness grew, Yet she strolled deeper still. With finger tips she teased the water As emerging ripples echoed The tiny tides gave birth to suns On that eerie icy lake. Breast deep, her breath came shallow, She knew not how to swim Yet eyes fixated on that fiery globe Burned to cure what has been wasted. Transfixed, she sighed, It was when the sun gave day to night, In the lake where dawn was a fiction, Where her truth softly wept. Her mouth, gasping, pale and wet, The water intruded her throat, It was just her and the half dome of light, Let the sun shine a light on her. (Photography and poetry by Misha.)

'Stay,hold and keep playing' Forgotten vibes now The chords have changed, the curtains unfamiliar. Do you see what I see? Nah. Spotlight's blinding me. You shuffle, almost without notice. Not a clutter from the audience in front. Am I alone? I gaze to my right; 'Stay,hold and keep playing' Its not even a spectacle anymore. Distrust heaving me down. My work with the dangling puppets was much better, atleast recognizable. 'Stay,hold and keep playing' It worked better with my last play. Confident, and divine, I stood so proud that the crowd couldnt spot even a glitch of hesitance. It was my stage, my audience, my theater. So, just 'Stay,hold and keep playing'? Unlikely. Make the curtains fall, the performance is over. With a slight drag, you stand up and walk away, hoping there wont be any callbacks. Abyss.

Booked history. Meant to learn from ? You DO realise that you always end up on the wrong front. Redeemed faith, love. Falter again. You're fucked up. Dont feel bad. Its just you. Dang. How. I ask, what number will you test ? Yeah, just step on them. Have a damn fest. Your levels have dropped to unseen depths, How'd you be sought ? Death. So, just sketch on the dirt beneath you. You dont give a damn, like you'd feel bad if it cheats you. Wild smile. All your masks lay in front. Pick one ? Clown another. Soulless mortals, almost inaudible. Heh. Blame ! It cannot be you. Wild smile. Hysteria ? Bleed it out. So. You count rocks around. Yeah, fiddle with them. They are diamonds, you fool. Not a crap mound. Cry it out again. Its not like things would ever differ. The mirror people would over power you. Suffer. Laugh out loud. Laugh it out. Press hard. Clenched fist, open it. Fine, untampered dirt. Bowed head. Sway away. Maaz Tanveer.

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Sweet odors of love Combine, Mingling souls as one, Entangled intensely so, Existence was left behind. Reality barely intertwined. Alarmed, they all warned, 'You'll be consumed,' They said. Rebelling, ecstasy Heightened. 'I'll risk it all,' I said, And I indulged. Going deep within, Crossed the boundaries of The conscious mind. 'Believe,' I said. Empty eyes stared. But there it was, Among the depths, My beloved. My nirvana...

Turmoil and confusion Is in my heart, in my soul, Is this all an illusion? My fantasies gaping hole? Oh how I’m torn apart With the guilt that is within me How long will we last Against my deceiving heart’s decree!? This is not me but the devil Who lures me to lust, My heart longs a sin, a betrayal Of their forgotten trust. Half a decade gone and lost, Words spoken but not said, Lies, deceit, deception And false love declared. (P.S: A poem that i wrote waaay back!)

I narrate a story, Of a girl who bathes in glory. Paving her way through the dunes, She loves things that are in tune. Breaking out every day, She feels a need to sing An unsung song, Lyrics in a jumble and alphabets flown, On the top of her lungs, As the globe around her hums, She gathers herself, insight and wisdom, Sketching the roots from which they stem. Straining her eyes, she wonders why The flora seems so dry, And the objects so shrunken, A delusion and no more, she refutes it to be heaven. A slight tilt of the chin, Is the closest that she comes to being grim. A cursory glance, Tip-toed; in a trance. There’s a grace about her, as she moves Poised, fitting all the grooves. She is made for the ball, they say Within her own circle, she likes to sway. Why then, her eyes radiate No more, as they did before? The lights have moved out, the stars glow No more, as they did before. Soul searching, she goes out for, In the outlook is, all that she ador...

Rows and rows of memories, Stacked together and tucked away, A few neatly, the rest in haste, Its just a thing of past anyway! An idle mind browses through, The young leading to the old, ‘Handle with care.’ Said one dusty volume, And my curiosity was easily sold. The pages yellowed and cracking, It started with a steady hand, Curving and looping the letters linked, ‘Once upon a time,” the writer began. Living and dying with the words, Time lost all grip and slipped a decade, Gliding and slithering as if in a ballet, Enslaving. The scripture danced. Just before the final chapter, Just before the terminus, As untouched as a virgin The leaflets were empty, vacous! Page after page they were turned, Longing to find an end, Old and yellow, the blank parchments, Have no ‘Happy ever after’ to be told. Rows and rows of memories, Stacked together and tucked away, A few neatly, the rest in haste, Conclude what you want, say what you may. (P.S: It still feels a bit incomplete. Cant figure ...

They follow No matter how fast you row There is always something to lose Even when you choose to gain Sailing away in that boat That rocks with every wave Sinking is not an option, You have to keep it afloat And then comes a wave again With it crawls; a thought How does it feel to be To be the one who navigates To have the map in your hands Leading the world on your own path Writing down that very song That takes their breath away To take on a new journey And pick out your favorite notes And hum that very tune, That captures their souls Amidst the ruins.

Sanity marches, out of the secure confines. Decides to flee, like a freed bee Weary of the webs, it keeps on twisting the threads Peeks through the tiny holes, as the time rolls She glances within, her fingers are gripping Disintegrated. She thinks to herself, The bits and pieces, Explosions inside, deafening sounds are muted outside. Stunned. Eyes the insanity and grunts. I bet you want to dethrone, I bet with all my bones Battles the exteriors, leans towards the wreck Lost are the words, and screams, muted again. The bits and pieces, awed. A contact with the dust relives the dismay Gathers the fragments, to search for the fits Tries to assemble, make sense out of the zilch. Blurred is the periphery, the focus perpetual Alas! The bits and pieces. No way.

To be on another level of understanding self, is like a whole new world requiring an era of exploration. Its like seeing a spectrum of light that wasn't visible before, that isn't visible to anyone else. It demands a certain amount of isolation. And sometimes that loneliness suffocates you. Its tempting to run back to the old you, a lesser being that was on common ground with everyones else. Doesn't sympathy sound soothing to the spirit? But change evolves you, its as unavoidable as breathing. Losses occur on both sides naturally, but the gains are the keep sakes. Although, it depends entirely on you; whether you let it consume you or let it make you stronger.

Obscure shadows in the niches of conscience, Blunt images of guilt; truth is a pretence. Following unreal pathways forged in the mind, Crumbling, stumbling, where hopes are knotted, wills tied. The serpentine trail extends endless, Between peaks of elation and gorges of sadness. Nude feet embarking on self discovery, Left, embossed, are steps of his uncertainty. Hallucinating mirages exploit and bewilder, But thirst persuades to seek the last wonder. Frail now, with blistered feet, the pathway ends, Blood stained hope extinguishes with the last bend. Anguish overwhelms; the toil gone to waste, O, ye fool! Gaze up! Man is, forever in haste. Upon the call the head is raised to see, Beyond the cliff, a brilliance, in the midst of a sea. The tolling lighthouse calls the ones led astray, The seeker sighs, finally! The end of his mind’s play.

Scores of knots tightly interlaced, Clogging the mind and jamming the thoughts. Pulling out small loops day after day, Vain attempts they seem, I must say Existence brimmed with crooked puzzles, Thoughts to escort, yet unaccompanied Silent words and hushed sobs Crafting their way to a boulevard Misty views diffusing throughout Blunt images overshadowing reason Is this a trap? Or a trance Moving in circles; trying to find an end. A step forward and there’s a dread No support and I descend Face down, the ground is less distant The scent of dirt, flickers the senses Jagged rocks pierce the skin Knees raw and elbows skinned I try to regain my stability, but screw GRAVITY! Fighting against it, I regain my posture Still wavering, but on two feet again I continue my path of untying, The scores of knots clogging the mind.

At the edge of a vertical cliff, She stands tall, Wind playing havoc with her hair, Arms outstretched, Emotions tugging, pulling, wrenching. A whirlpool. There is a strange serenity, dead calm, before A violent storm. A lone eagle circles over head, Below abyss. Inflating the lungs and arching her back, Scents of earth, A part of her now, conversed. Yearning lust. Adrenaline, burning vehemence, She longed. She faces her fate, bold. A smirk, As if laughing at its face. Steadily, A deep breath. On her toes now, inclining, She jumps! Plummeting, the wind screams for her, Ecstasy. The eagle eyes her curiously, Falling still, The sun burns in protest. A little further, Mimicking a statue in mid air, Almost there, And behold! She soars! Above the eagle, above the clouds, Serenity. At peace. At last.

How far would one wander away from home? Half of me safe, the other lost to the world, Perhaps there’s no want to be found, Am I, perhaps, fortunate this way? In the solitude of confinement, Silence is the loudest of rooms to be, Camouflaging thoughts and fleeting glimpses, Of who you actually are, the lies you set free. I bear the burden that time revealed, Lost in the maze, I need to contemplate, Whether I go across or sit there till My dried bones bleed. I need a story line to rely on, Something uneventful and ordinary, Be kind O’ storyteller, narrate it to me, Until the time of the ultimate slumber. May be in another life you’ll be my friend, In another life where good things won’t end, Where I’ll confess to the secrets, surrender, And may be I’ll find simple faith again.

Crossing, or reluctantly moving perhaps. With little or no reason. With utterly disgruntled mood from lost faith and those useless familiar faces. You look up with some intent, with some self belief that what your eyes might see, maybe, just maybe shed some light to where this is leading to. A rope bridge. The narrowest and precarious pathway. Where hope falls like a meteor, ignites with sudden flashes. You cant help but chuckle, after that intended look up. Mist, shrouded clouds of a lost cause, desperation and fucking sighs. And you just have to wonder, about that justice that was said to be, but never heard of. Justice, equality, court of law ?! Heh. There's just a friggin pathway, which itself is dented with desperation and denial. And THEY talk about justice ? You lower your knees for a bit, letting them feel the crooked boards. Some comfort ? And, you try to look behind. Possibly the most disgraceful and an act of sheer dumbness ! Feeling the end level of you frustrati...

I walk On a thin metallic needle Behind a plastic seal Beginnings are usually deceptive Wider bases cleverly deceive Towards fine tapering ends, They lead? Mislead. Exploiting my needs Hopeful susceptibility The love for light A little respite Also cheats Consoling myself A dark patch maybe I cement my belief But a distant voice Faintly speaks The needle is painted black Can't you see That you can't? Even if I could I retaliate Your scratched glass This so-called protective shield Would have obscured my vision Curtailed my inherent abilities Perfectly planned Painted black A tapering end I obediently walk Locked The metal erodes Facilitating the final fall Tick tock Tick tock

The northern wind blows, Wicked and wild, A gust of dust, some plastic bags, Debris flying like paper planes, Slamming doors and crooked windows, Shattering glass and dried leaves. Foreboding. The clouds up north An angry mass of grey. Twisting, snarling, a flash of light, Few blinks of an eye and thunder. Pitch black, its only noon. It crawls up his spine, the wild wind, Arms wrap the chest, craving warmth. A few more booms up ahead, The God fearer recoils. Pitter patter, the first few drops squeal, Free of their angry cage above, Dripping down dusty window panes, Rain follows forth. Parched, the sand sighs. Branches bow down gratified. The believer drenched now, No shelter sought. Earth lives vividly, The curse broken, The worst, over. Evil moved on. Rain falls gentler, And his belief, steadfast, staunch. Hymns. Sweetly scented soil. The wild wicked wind, Vanquished.

There really isn't any particular reason behind this poem that i wrote recently. I was listening to a song that had the word "unravel" in it. It captured me. And a train of thoughts followed. That resulted in this piece of my work. Hope people can understand and identify with it! Unravel me. A fake smile, A loud laugh, An unshed tear, And unspoken words. Unravel me. A bird in sweet January, Used to the spring. It chirps less in the hot summer, Only to find it replaced by autumn. A layer. Barefoot walking down a path, Blooms surround you. Distracted, deluded, its actually Broken glass that you walk on. Another layer. Im still awake in my dream, Trying to attain destiny. Too absorbed to notice, The ground slipping away. Another layer. Chafed palms, eyes burning. As if trapped in a furnace, Suffocating smoke and screams Of dying hopes. Another layer. Thick skinned they all think You are. Years of dust and soot, Hides the pain etched in wrinkles. Yet the eyes plead, Unrave...